i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
