i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
