Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
