She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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