Quick, to the slutcave!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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