To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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