Porn is love you can see.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
