Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
