Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
