marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
