I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
