her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
