i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
