I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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