Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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