Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize