So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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