if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
