and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
