Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
