She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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