So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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