Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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