I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
