This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
