He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
