I'm gonna have a badass scar
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she peed on how many people?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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