so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
