And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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