I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
