I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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