Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
