I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
