I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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