After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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