i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
