on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
