i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
