never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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