Nicole vs. Life
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
