I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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