Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
