My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
