i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
two words...techno handjob
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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