The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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