Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
