and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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