You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
