I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
