Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
