Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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