arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
