It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
