Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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