Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
