he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
