I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
nutella sex= disaster
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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