so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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