I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
