Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
