He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
