Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
COCAINE IS GR8
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
