after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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