pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
