I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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