I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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