What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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