you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
