my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
