he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
