Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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