I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
