That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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