when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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