I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
