Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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