How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize