I need help removing her.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
