Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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