Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
