WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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