totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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