Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
whose ass print is on the piano?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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