I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
