yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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