shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
