drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
