so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
