I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
