This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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