Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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