Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
