Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
