Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
