look no pants
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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