I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize