my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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