I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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