so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize