Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
