this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
