If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
