Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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