How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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