He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
