where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
